The First Day
by LILKENNY
Summary: He left but life has to go on. Although she doesn't know how. - Following from episode 3.21 (again) in an AU world. This one is dark - very dark in places.
1. Zero Days

**The first day**

 _A/N: This is the first Lucifer fic that I wrote. Thanks a lot to Thisisarealtagwhy and Sop12345d for the really great beta. Helping me out a lot there to get the wording right and pointing out the character flaws I put in there ;)_

 _This is a dark story for most of it, although it will get "lighter" in the later chapters. There is some dying in there, although I do not consider it "death" in the sense of the usual death warning. But the story will cover quite a couple of years of storytime, so there will be characters dying in a way._

 _ **Please read the author's notes at the beginning of the chapters since I will add additional warnings there for individual chapters!**_

 _I am not a native English speaker, so please put up with my grammar and spelling if it is not always correct. Everything still in there is due to my last second editing ;)_

 _This story goes AU starting after Episode 3.21, ignoring further episodes since I hadn't watched those when I wrote this. I also wrote this whole story down in more or less one go since it didn't let go of me, so it is finished already and chapters will be updated regularily_

 _And just to make sure… I do_ _ **not**_ _like what they did on the show to Lucifer's and Chloe's characters leading up to episode 3.21 - although I really liked how they resolved it. So please give this a chance even if it seems to not go into the Lucifer/Chloe shipping right away._

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Zero Days**

This was crazy!

It had been almost a week now since her life had been turned upside down, although her life had never truly fit into one of normalcy. Still, it had all been crashing down on her, and yet she couldn't quite grasp how it could have all gone down so badly.

To hell in a handbasket, as they say. Right?

And wasn't _that_ just the right phrase when it came down to _him_? The devil... That's what he called himself, wasn't it? As if anyone who knew him as close as she had would ever believe that nonsense. Still, he had kept this stupid method-acting thing upfront instead of _finally_ just saying what he had to say.

" _Anything Pierce can do, I can do better."_

Yeah, right… as if! No, he couldn't, and there had never been a moment like that evening when she had wanted to throw this at his face. Only, she didn't. She couldn't - it had been too hard. It had hurt too much to see him leering at her like that once again and then turning this seemingly perfect, romantic scenario… well, turning it into being about nothing but himself, as he always did. When, for a second, she had thought… that _maybe_ this time it would be different… fat chance that happening.

So, she left. Only to find Pierce at her front door later that evening, him actually proposing to her only minutes later. She certainly hadn't seen that one coming.

How had this happened? And, while she didn't really regret saying yes right there and then, she still didn't know _why_ she'd said yes.

Had it been a mistake? Some spur of the moment thought – or lack of thinking for that matter? Maybe that was most likely to be the case. She hadn't actually thought about it, had she?

She had simply reacted, to a man who actually seemed to care for her instead of his own reputation, of his own ego and his own fucking desire. Pierce was a nice, decent guy. A damn normal guy. Not a method actor who couldn't, for the life of him, pull his head out of his ass and just be _serious_ for once.

And now?

Now she was standing here, not knowing what the hell had happened. But breathing was getting harder when the realization finally hit her. Her chest was heaving, her lungs trying to pull in the much needed oxygen. Maybe that would help her brain to cope with what she was seeing. Any minute now... Any minute now she would either wake up or… _Anything!_

There had been a day before when she came to his penthouse and everything had been covered in sheets. She'd felt just like she was feeling now… back then. Back when he just vanished. Only to return later with that blonde on his arm like some trophy he won in Vegas.

This time was different though. There were no covers. And strangely, this made it worse. The covers had been a tiny little hint… no, a _hope_ that he would return soon.

No covers.

No piano.

A large chunk of books missing.

He was gone.

She knew it the second she stepped out of the elevator, that something was different. Her brain hadn't registered right away what had tipped her off. Only then, had she realized that the large wooden frame that had taken up most of the first line of sight of the penthouse was gone. He wouldn't sell it, she knew that deep inside her heart. It was too close to his heart.

Music was something dear to him, although she never got how that fit in with his devil persona. As if the devil would actually like to play the piano! Because there must have been _sooooo_ many opportunities to play it in hell. Must have been one of the slips he had allowed himself in his method-acting.

"Can I help you, Detective?"

Surprised, she turned around, only to come eye to eye with that strange, always a bit forced smile of her newest DA office addition.

"Charlotte!" Chloe huffed, still trying to come to terms with everything she ever suspected to be dear to Lucifer being gone from his penthouse. "What happened here?"

For a fleeting moment, she wasn't sure if Charlotte's smile was faltering. If it did, it was back in place right away. Although, again, something felt off about this.

"Change of ownership."

What?

As if to answer the question that surely never made it past her lips, Charlotte continues. "He is gone."

Gone as in…?

"Well off to… somewhere," Charlotte adds with a smile that has to be somewhere in between knowing and sadness. There _was_ something sad about her whole posture, wasn't there?

"What do you mean?" Chloe finally manages to choke out beside the gigantic lump that is forming in her throat.

"He left, Detective Decker."

When Chloe didn't answer, Charlotte finally took pity on her and stepped closer. The DA sighed and carefully put a hand on Chloe's arm, guiding her towards the thankfully still present sofa.

"Sit down," Charlotte ordered, voice fondly and somewhat… motherly?

There was a sigh and Chloe wasn't sure if it came from her or Charlotte. She wasn't sure of _anything_ anymore right now.

"I don't know what happened," the other woman finally admits. "But he came to me yesterday evening, papers already in order."

What papers?

"You know how he is…" Hell, did she know about _that_. "I tried to talk him out of it, or at least… have him tell me what had made him do this all of a sudden."

Do what?

"But he seemed determined. And… well, I thought it best to heed his wishes for once." Again, there was this sadness in Charlotte's voice. A sadness Chloe couldn't quite grasp yet.

Chloe still wasn't able to form some kind of sentence. Not fully understanding what the other woman was saying. Except for the fact that her damn stubborn partner had left. _Again_.

"He signed Lux over to me for the time being."

"What?" This time she must have actually spoken out loud since Charlotte's head shot up and for the first time she actually looked Chloe in the eye – probably for the first time since she had arrived.

There it was again, wasn't it? Sadness… No. Sorrow. Regret, maybe?

Chloe wasn't sure, but right now she wasn't sure of anything anymore. When Charlotte continued to talk, she couldn't listen anymore. The words just washed away. Blocked by a wall her mind put up the second the realization hit her full on.

He was gone. And he wasn't coming back.

* * *

 _A/N: Please be patient with me while I'm drawing this one out. This is_ _ **not**_ _a Decker/Pierce fic, I promise…_

 _And please put in a review before you leave! I really love to hear your opinions!_


	2. 245 Days

A/N: _Thanks a lot to LAIsobel and LCat for the kind reviews. And of course also a big thank you to my beta Thisisarealtagwhy and Sop12345d for the really big help as beta reader._

* * *

 **Chapter 2: 245 Days**

It had been 245 days – almost a year - since he had left.

True to Charlotte's words all those weeks - months even - ago, nobody had seen Lucifer since he had left. There hadn't been any word about him – neither from their so called friends nor did she find anything remotely hinting at his whereabouts on the Internet.

And yes, she had checked is Instagram account, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter. Hell, the first weeks she had actually googled him twice a day, just to make sure there hadn't been any news of this guy called 'Lucifer Morningstar' – turning up in some other city to offer favors in return for an IOU. At some point, she had been desperate enough to morbidly check the local morgues for either him or any John Doe's that might fit his description. Just to be sure...

Only, she hadn't found anything.

No news, no pictures, no updates on his so called social media accounts. Only some pictures remaining there, reminding her of their time together, since it seemed he used to have a tendency to actually post pictures of them working together. Damn the smug bastard!

And now she was sitting here in front of this mirror. Finally getting ready. Putting up some last minute makeup, finishing what she thought the stylist hadn't gotten right.

"You ready?"

Dan's voice was soft when he carefully peeked around the door to check in on her. She merely nodded – not sure if she really was ready. But now was not the time to falter.

He was gone. No use thinking about him anymore. And why should she anyway? He had decided to walk out on her again. Why was she still thinking about the… Why?!

She took a deep breath and braced herself for what she was about to do. Was this how it was supposed to be? Her needing to "brace" herself to do this? Shouldn't she be more happy about it?

As if he had read her mind, Dan came up behind – his hands coming to rest on her shoulders. She could see his worried face in the mirror.

"You sure about this?" He asked her – his voice still soft. Unusually soft, to be precise. She wasn't used to him being like this anymore.

Something had become lost in him too when Lucifer left – as had Maze, and Amenadiel for that matter. So maybe it wasn't Lucifer's absence as much as his brother's that had changed her ex like this.

She forced herself to smile at him, to reassure him that everything was 'perfect'.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He merely nodded, not answering her question – just like she hadn't answered his.

Another deep breath, and she finally stood up, pushing the wrinkles out of her pristine beige dress.

She hadn't been able to bring herself to wear white since that day.

"Let's go," Chloe finally answered; determination back into her voice.

She was going to do this because she _wanted_ to do this. And she would be damned, if she let that bastard keep her from it without actually being there. _He_ had left – with no farewell or explanation whatsoever. She wouldn't let him take what might be her last chance at a happy ever after from her.

So Chloe smiled her brightest smile when Dan walked her down the aisle. Nodding at Charlotte who was still strangely a part of her life, even though she'd quit her job at the DA the instant the papers of her taking over LUX management became official. She smiled at Linda who had been a somewhat quieter, but was still a dear friend to her over these last months.

And finally, she got to the altar, where Marcus was standing, smiling at her.

She could do this. She _would_ do this.

Only, when she turned around after they exchanged vows, rings, kisses and all that comes with marriage, she felt a tiny little voice in the back of her head, asking her if this had actually been what she had _really_ wanted to do. But she shook it off easily. This was the right thing to do. No more wishing, no more waiting.

Of course, this was what she wanted to do. Why wouldn't it be? Marcus seemed to sometimes worship the ground she walks on. He was sweet, gentle and most of all he had never made a game out of their relationship. Much unlike a certain selfish nightclub owner - _former_ nightclub owner.

Time for her to be selfish for once.

There were not _that_ many people at her wedding – she never had been the very social type. Still, there were co-workers, such as Ella, some she would call friends, like Linda, and her daughter and her mother, being her family of course. Overall, still there was a surprising amount of people, considering that she hadn't really thought about who she had wanted to invite – knowing that _he_ wouldn't show up anyway.

Slowly, her grace followed the smiling faces when everyone stood there clapping and cheering for the newly wed couple. She was happy, she really was. This was what she had wanted. A normal life, another chance at a family.

So they all left the somewhat improvised chapel, in the sense that it wasn't actually one. Marcus hadn't wanted it to be "in front of God" and since she had been wed before, she didn't mind not going through all the hassle to get another wedding in a real church.

It was a wonderful evening with them dancing – her actually letting go and dancing to her fullest while, later that night, Marcus decided to sit at the bar with some of his friends instead.

Dancing… Something she had gotten lost only once before - with _him_ **,** in his club. But she didn't want to go there, so she shoved the thought aside and closed her eyes – reveling in the feeling of a full dance floor.

Chloe had long since lost sight of her new husband at the bar – as well as the former one, wherever that one had left to. There were bodies dancing around her, making her forget for a moment that she was still pondering over the whereabouts of somebody who obviously hadn't cared for her all that much.

That was when she felt the tingling. That same tingling she had felt so often when _he_ had been close to her. Her breath hitched when she felt somebody else breathing behind her. Warm breath tickling her neck where it laid exposed thanks to her updo.

This couldn't be!

She wanted to turn around and ask the smug bastard how he could have walked out of her life that easily, only to return like this. Right now, for that matter! Only she couldn't. She didn't dare to turn around, too afraid that it was just her imagination going wild after the ten, twenty or more glasses of wine she must have had so far this evening. Who's bothering to count?

So she kept her eyes shut, reveling in the feeling of tender hands on her hips, swaying with her as if she was a lonely boat where he was the vast, open sea.

There was some kind of promise in this touch but she doesn't know what it could have meant. She only knew that she didn't want to lose this feeling. And despite that she would always deny it, she _did_ miss him, missed his banter, his cocky smirk, his… well, just all of him.

Just when Chloe wondered if maybe she should turn around anyway and ask him what the hell he had been thinking to walk out on her _again_ , something shifted. She didn't know what it was, but suddenly she knew that when she opened her eyes now, this would be the last she'd ever see, hear or feel of him again.

So she kept her eyes shut and tried to memorize the moment – just to make sure, in case this would be their last encounter.

She didn't want him to be gone forever!

" _I will always be there."_

She felt the words more than she actually heard them but still, she nodded in understanding, her smile bitter but sincere.

When the song came to an end, so did the tingling and she knew if she opened her eyes now, he wouldn't be there – at least not for her to see him. But something would remain – of that she was sure now.

She just wasn't sure what this would mean for her.

* * *

 _A/N: As usual, please drop me a note on the way out. I would really appreciate your opinion._

 _And please be a bit more patient with the Lucifer/Chloe pairing ;)_


	3. 1515 Days

_**A/N: Warning!**_ _This chapter is probably the darkest one and contains the death of a minor – and I do not mean an almost grown up minor! (no, it is not Trixie!) Please, do not read this chapter if you can not cope with this! You can continue to the next chapter without losing the storyline and skip this chapter if you can not handle this topic._ _ **Warning!**_

 _ **Consider yourself adequately warned!**_

 _I would like to thank everyone who took the time to review, I really, really appreciate the feedback!_

 _Thanks a lot to_ _Sop12345d for taking the time and doing the beta!_

* * *

 **Chapter 3: 1515 days**

It has been 1515 days – more than four years now – since he left.

She felt empty somehow, while still feeling… filled up with… nothingness? How could one ever explain how this felt? She sure as hell couldn't. Wouldn't. Would never know how you can feel empty when your whole body seemed to be made from nothing but… sorrow.

Sitting at the empty, lonely beach, she pulled her legs up, the bundle in her arms clutched to her chest. Darkness had engulfed her – physically and mentally – and right now she didn't know how to cope with all this. How to put her brain back into gear to make anything out of this.

Why had this happened to her?! Why did this happen to anyone for that matter?!

Chloe looked up and for a second wondered if the stars had always been this bright out here. The thought alone got her out of her pondering for once. They shouldn't be this bright. Not right now, not anywhere near LA anyway. But definitely not right now. They were too beautiful for this moment.

A sob crawled its way out of her throat before she could stop herself when she looked down at the bundle in her arms. The tears won't come, though – not yet anyway. They would come soon, she knew that. She could already feel them building up. The despair crawling its way from her stomach up to the top. Bile piling up.

But so far she still dared to hope somehow.

Carefully she pulled the blanket away – just a bit to reveal that tiny little hand. She didn't dare to go any further. Carefully she caressed it with her pinkie. Slowly following the outline until she finally found the palm. When the little fingers closed around hers there was another sob and this time she couldn't stop the tears that made it down her cheek.

She had known almost from the beginning where this would lead – months ago.

The doctors had told her that there was no hope. "It's not meant to be" had been their words if she remembered correctly.

That had been when – for the first time in a _very_ long time – Chloe had been to church. Praying. Something she hadn't done for oh so long. And frankly, she hadn't expected to ever do it again. Still she had. Had hoped, prayed. At least that uncharacteristic illogical part of her that sometimes ponders what if Lucifer hadn't been an act all this time.

Well, her prayers hadn't been answered as the doctors told her right away when they finished that first assessment after the birth. So, either she had always been correct about Lucifer being nothing but an act or her prayer simply hadn't been worth the effort.

She didn't know what would be worse.

So Chloe had left the hospital right away, not waiting for the doctors to put a verdict on her. Against all recommendations she took the child with her – knowing very well that he would never see the light of day either way. The doctors had made sure to tell her that.

Looking up, she noticed once more that those stars _did_ look a lot brighter that night. Well, at least she would be able to make him see some kind of light - right? And weren't they just beautiful? How could one single star – no matter how large and warm and bright – compare to that enormous beauty out there right now?

The moment she felt the fingers around hers' go slack, she saw a shooting star falling – making her wish that she would just wake up in the morning and nothing of this would have happened. But it wouldn't and she knew it all too well.

That was when the floodgates gave away and she gave herself into it. Closing her eyes, she started weeping for what she had just lost and would never regain. Gently rocking the bundle in her arms, weeping for a soul that didn't get the chance to see a single sunset, that hadn't even had enough time to properly say hello before it got snatched out of her grip in such a cruel way.

This wasn't fair!

She had tried so hard to be a good person, a good detective, a good wife. What had she done so wrong to be punished like this?! More so! What had that innocent little boy done to deserve nothing more than this? To never walk, never talk, never play, never get a proper hug…

Well, she could do something about this, couldn't she?

So Chloe hugged the now lifeless bundle to her chest even harder, still rocking it and she cried for all she was worth. She couldn't stop and she wished nothing more than for somebody to hold her.

Only there was nobody here.

Her husband was probably in some bar, getting drunk as he had been every evening those last months. Every evening since they had had this little "talk" about him trying to convince her to go by the doctor's recommendations and have an abortion instead of carrying out what by DNA sampling had been deemed to be 'not worthy of life'.

She could never have done that, could never have given up hope. Hell, she hadn't given up hope until those perfect, tiny little fingers had gone slack! She had hoped to will him to life, to somehow get a miracle from… well, from somewhere.

Her sobbing became harder now and she could barely stand the pain in her chest anymore. Once the floodgates were opened, there was no stopping the tears when her thoughts wandered time and again to what would never be. It was almost too much.

No… it _was_ too much!

That was when she felt the tingling and it only made her sob harder, crying harder, eyes still firmly closed, because she knew it couldn't be true – didn't want it to be true, since for the life of it, this wouldn't make anything better. She wanted to scream but her throat was too constricted and she could merely voice a croak.

Suddenly, there were arms. Encircling her, pulling her against a sturdy body. Simply holding her – holding her tight while she finally let go of her last strand of sanity and cried for all she was worth. Screaming at the unfairness of it all, of life and god and… well _him_ as well, probably.

How he could dare to leave her and not really be there for her when she had needed him most. Because what she thought she was feeling right then couldn't really be him. He just couldn't be here right now, holding her, trying to ground her like a pillar. Like he always had.

All the while not knowing if she was actually cursing Lucifer or her wayward husband.

Still, Chloe didn't dare to open her eyes and make the illusion go away. If an illusion was all that was granted her to not feel this loneliness right now… well, she wouldn't scare it away, but take it. And for once, she was going to be selfish - to feel whole again.

Only when she imagined to hear his hushing voice did the sobs turn down – tears still flowing freely though. She didn't understand the words right away, but they somehow seemed to calm her down anyway, bringing her back from the brink of insanity to 'just' being broken hearted.

She remembered the shooting star and for a fleeting moment she wondered if that had been her son's soul falling to… somewhere.

That was when this imaginary grip on her tightened even more.

" _It wasn't. And he didn't."_

Another sob crawled its way out of her already painfully raw throat when she merely nodded. She wanted to believe that, wanted some kind of consolidation that her son who never had a chance to live, wouldn't be damned for… well for whatever had apparently made him unworthy of living.

" _He isn't unworthy."_

That was what she wanted to believe, but how could she?

" _I will make sure he's taken care of."_

And strangely, this made her feel better. She didn't know why or how or… well, she didn't know anything at that moment but somehow, those words made her feel better.

Still Chloe continued to cry, silently cursing fate or god or whomever… but not _him_ anymore.

Even if he wasn't really here and this was all just the imagination of her totally screwed up mind… Right at that moment, she didn't care anymore. The thought that just maybe she didn't have to go through this night alone was enough to make her not care about her mind in the days, months, years to follow.

At some point the tears ended, the sobs ebbed away and gave way to the emptiness that might never be filled again. Her mind got sluggish and finally the fatigue and the pain got the better of her when she fell asleep. Only she didn't keel over right away – instead slowly being lowered. That little bundle in her arm carefully laid down with her.

Were those arms around her real after all?

Now that her sleepy mind wasn't sure of it anymore, she still didn't dare to open her eyes and finally gave in to sleep.

When Chloe woke up, the sun was already up high in the sky. How long had she been here?

As if it might change their fate, she checked on the bundle with trembling hands, only to confirm what she had already known to be true. There was no life in there anymore. When the tears started to flow again, she swiped them away and took a deep breath. It was time to face the truth and somehow she would pull through this.

Maybe the imagination of those strong arms holding her had been all she had needed to somehow get through the first night. It would probably take the rest of her lifetime to actually get to terms with it but this was a start. Wasn't it?

She looked at the tiny hand, the only thing visible from the boy, since she couldn't bring herself to look at his face one more time right now. That would make it all too real once again and she knew she would break down right here and now otherwise.

Frowning, she remembered that there had been a question when she had given in to sleep last night but it took her another moment to come up with the question once more.

" _What's his name?"_

A fleeting smile graced her lips when her pinkie caressed those tiny – now cold – fingers for one last time. This was maybe the closest she would come to ever call his name again…

"Samuel."

* * *

 _A/N: Okay, I just have to say, that I had a_ _ **really**_ _hard time writing this and I definitely do not take this topic lightly. But I also have to admit that I could barely bring myself to re-read and correct this chapter once because this is just a tad bit too close to my own heart._

 _I do not intend to insult or belittle any mother who has lost a child – no matter at what point in its life. So I sincerely hope that nobody is offended by this chapter._

 _Because I do have a child in the stars of my own. And while I never saw mine breath I do know that no matter how many children you've got beside you, you will never forget those that went back to the stars way too soon._

 _But I needed her to hit rock bottom and frankly this is the hardest fall I ever made._

 _So my deepest condolences to every mother (and father for that matter) who has ever lost a child. Because we are not supposed to bury any of them._


	4. 2253 Days

_A/N: The last chapter was the darkest of this story in my opinion. So while this will continue to be somewhat dark, I hope it will read easier than the last chapter had._

 _Unfortunately I do not know how those lessons (you will know right when you start reading) are actually done in the US, so I went from what I've seen on TV before. I hope it is not totally out of the blue!_

 _Thanks a lot once more to_ _Sop12345d for taking the time and doing the beta!_

* * *

 **Chapter 4: 2253 days**

It has been 2253 days – more than six years now – since he left.

Sitting at the stairs, the girl – no, the young woman – was waiting. As she always did lately. Damn this stupid guy! Hadn't he promised her to be here?! Couldn't he for the life of him just do _something_ for her? Just this tiny little thing? It wasn't that hard now, was it?

Sighing, she looked around once more, only to confirm what she already knew - there was nobody here anymore. All her friends and classmates had already left, so she was the only one left. Staring at those stupid pylons all over the driver's learning course.

Cursing once more, she took out her cell phone, dialing the number, ready to give the guy a lesson about standing her up once again. But after the fifth ring, the phone went to voicemail so all she has left is leaving some name calling there. She closed her eyes and wished – not for the first time, by the way – that her life hadn't been turned upside down over the years. That she could just be a normal teenager like everybody else.

But she wasn't, now was she?

The cursing that had still been rambling in her head ebbed aside when she finally got up and sighed silently. There was no use waiting. Her ever elusive stepfather wouldn't turn up anyway. Gathering her belongings, she finally decided to call it quits and just get home by herself. At least her mom would be there. Brooding probably, pretending to still be happy – as she had been every day since… No, not thinking about that one!

"Hello there, Beatrice."

She stopped dead in her tracks and for a second she wasn't sure if she wanted to look up. Only, she couldn't stop herself, so she slowly got up and turned around.

And there he was. Just like she remembered him. Tall, smiling a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, though. He was wearing the same dark grey Armani suit she had seen on him before. And for the hell of it, did he look good. Had he always been this handsome? She couldn't remember but something inside her stirred when she looked at him.

"Now, look at you," he leered at her himself, his eyes wandering from head to toe, making her shiver with something she would never dare to even think about. "Not the so little spawn anymore, are you?"

Fuck that damn British accent making him even hotter than he already was.

"How…" she croaked more than she actually said. Then she shook her head and finally managed to clear her mind of those darn teenage-induced thoughts. "Does Mom know you're back?"

His smile suddenly looked sad but it never faltered when he answered her. "I'm not here for your mother. Not… this time."

This time?

"I am here… for you, my dear Beatrice."

"Me? Why?" Her head was spinning and she wasn't sure why she even cared.

"Well, I _do_ always make good on my deals."

She understood less and less of what he was saying and it must have been very obviously visible in her frown, because he merely sighed and stepped closer. The fake smile was gone for the time being, but there was still some kind of warmth in his voice – a warmth she had been missing from the people around her for a while now.

He pointed to his Corvette. How could she have missed that one arriving, by the way?

"I am here for your lessons, darling."

For another second, her brain was somewhat frozen, not able to produce any coherent thoughts. Was it the fact that he was here? This overly stupid idea that he actually wanted to give her driving lessons? He didn't even seem to care that he had been gone for more than six fucking years!

"Do you have any idea what my mom went through the last years?" she finally spits at him with a calm voice, calmer than she herself would have expected. Still, there was some venom in it that she had rarely spit out to anyone – not even when having another fight with fucking, self-righteous Marcus.

"I know."

"I had a brother, you know that?"

"I know."

"He died, right after birth."

"I know."

"Mom couldn't even bring herself to give him a real grave. He doesn't even have a damn headstone. No name, no… nothing."

This time he didn't answer, just stared at her, as if to will her to let it all go. So that was what she did. Spitting out every damn curse she could come up with. Not to curse him, but to curse what her mother's life had become – and her own just the same by the way.

"Dad isn't around that much anymore, you know…" she finally came to an end. All that anger that hat piled up over the years finally subsiding, leaving her somewhat empty but… not in a bad way.

"I know."

How often had he replied with that simple sentence by now? Had he even listened to her? She looked up and for once she is sure that he _had_ been listening and somehow she is even sure that he actually _had_ been knowing everything she had been telling him.

"Why did you leave us?" It was the one question she hadn't actually planned on ever asking him. Mostly because she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.

But at that moment it was the only question that seemed to matter anymore.

"I didn't."

"Hell yes you did!" She spat out, anger flaring up once more, before she even knew the words were out.

He smiled fondly at her, his arm carefully and almost… _tenderly_ coming up to caress her cheek. And it's all it took to finally made her cry. She didn't even know why she was crying but once it had started, she couldn't stop herself anymore. So she gave in to it and hugged him – something she remembered doing all the time. Only this time, he didn't respond in that stiff matter, instead carefully smoothening out her wayward curls when she buried her face to his chest.

Later, she would never been able to tell for how long she kept crying, his firm arms around her all the while she did so. But it helped to let it all out anyway. And when the anger, the sadness and everything that came with it finally subsided, she would finally let go – not only of him but also of all that darkness that had piled up inside of her over the last couple of years.

"Thank you," she finally whispered, still not daring to look up at him though.

So, she could feel his smile rather than actually see it.

"We going for a ride now?" he asked smiling when she was all calm again, back to her old, her usual self.

"You're still going with this whole 'deal' story?"

He actually laughed a bit at that. "Of course I am!" And when she merely blinked back at him, still not understanding, he huffed and shook his head. "You forgot!"

It almost sounded like an accusation when he threw his hands in the air and turned around. "Why do you humans always forget?!" There was no anger in his voice though, when he continued. "Honestly. For creatures with such a short lifespan and such a… big brain, which you tend to use to a ridiculously low amount… how can you not remember when it has only been seven years ago? September 23rd?"

"Seven years?!" she spurted out before she could stop herself. "I was a fucking kid then!"

"You _are_ a child, Beatrice," he responded, obviously getting the message from her flaring eyes to that remark. "Well not that much of a child, maybe."

He sighed and finally smiled back at her. "We still made a deal. You helped me out with my… getting around my feelings about my mom and… I promised you those driving lessons. And even _if_ your mom interrupted my first attempt at this – stating how impossible it was of me to let you behind a wheel when you weren't of the right age then… I _am_ going to keep my end of the bargain."

She didn't know how to respond to that but all of a sudden she _did_ remember how he once dragged her to this fancy private school and how her mom crashed her driving the corvette afterwards.

"You still remember that?" she asked in awe. Most adults around her didn't remember anything she ever asked from them nowadays.

"Of course I do!" Now he actually sounded hurt.

She blinked and slowly her eyes drifted to the corvette and she just _knew_ that the excitement must have been written all over her face. This car was just so cool – had been when she was a kid, still was now that she considered herself a grown up.

"You ready for a ride?"

Finally she smiled at him, her smile soon transforming into a smirk. And she nodded. Of course she was ready. Now that she remembered that day, she had been ready for more than seven years. And if this was going to make her forget those last seven years just for a few minutes… all the better.

When she sat behind the steering wheel she couldn't help but feel excited. Driving lessons in this kind of car… to hell with that damn license! She might as well take lessons in this one for the rest of her life.

"Seems you have a really nice taste there, Beatrice."

Pulled out of her rivery for a second she simply smiled at him. That was when another thought started to crawl up from the darkest back of her head.

"You still doing favors?" It was merely more than a whisper when she finally spoke up again.

Looking at him she could see him pondering for a moment before nodding, gesturing her to continue.

"I might have a favor to ask from you."

His smile was fond and sincere, nothing like that smirk she remembered he used to wear when she was still a kid. "You _do_ know that my favors come with a price?"

She nodded silently for a moment before answering. But it didn't take her more than a second to think about it once more – only to come up with the same answer.

"What is your price?"

His gaze searched her eyes for a while before he cocked his head and the fond smile is back.

"For you, dear Beatrice… a signature of yours… not now though, of course. Since you're not of legal age just yet." She frowned, not understanding and she could see that he very well knew that she didn't understand. "Don't be afraid. I would never hurt you."

She simply nodded because _she_ very well knew that he never would.

"So!" he stated and this time, the smile finally transformed into that smug smirk she remembered so well.

She couldn't stop herself from shivering – not sure anymore if this was a good idea. But then… this nightmare of her life couldn't get any worse and if he could do the one thing that might make this all better… Why the hell not?

"Well my dear, dear Beatrice… What is it, that you _truly_ desire?"

* * *

 _A/N: Please leave a review on your way out. Every comment is appreciated._


	5. 2300 days

_A/N: Again, thanks a lot to those taking the time to review the last chapters! Those were very encouraging, so I decided to publish the next chapter right away._

 _This is still without beta and as said before… I'll replace the chapter with the corrected version when it is available ;)_

 _Thanks a lot once more to_ _Sop12345d for taking the time and doing the beta! You're great :)_

* * *

 **Chapter 5: 2300 days**

What a round number… 2300 days – more than six years – since he had left. And wasn't it telling that she _did_ actually know the exact number of days?

"You okay, Chloe?" a gentle voice whispered at her, an equally gentle hand coming up to carefully rub her arm.

She nodded, truthfully not sure how to actually answer that question. But she was quite sure that she was okay – more so than she had been the last couple of years anyway. It was impossible for her to actually form an answer just yet, though.

She heard him sigh. The same sigh she had heard so often during the last years of their marriage – all those many years ago. This seemed to be a thing between them. Maybe that had been the reason they had finally broken up. Well, that and the fact that they simply hadn't been able to work through their problems.

"Blunt force trauma to the head," she heard Ella state; her voice full of tremor, fear, sadness. All those things, she herself was still missing somehow. She should feel something, shouldn't she?

She saw Ella swallow before she picked up a large rock from the ground showing it to them.

"By the looks of it… done by this rock."

"What a pathetic way to go", she heard Dan mutter but she couldn't bring herself to agree to it.

Her voice was steady, calm, as it always was when they were at a crime scene. "Let's wrap this one up. We'll have to give this case to someone else anyway."

And all of a sudden, they were back to normal, back to their jobs. Even if this one was supposed to be much closer to the heart - even if she didn't feel it just yet. And that was exactly why they had to give this case up. Chloe was right about that – as she always had been when it came to the job.

So she simply pretended that she didn't see the looks exchanged between Dan and Ella when she turned around and walked off the scene of this particular murder. The murder of her own husband. And for the hell of it, she couldn't bring herself to feel overly sad about it.

He was gone and in a way it _did_ hurt - just not the way she would have expected. Not that they had been much of a family lately but they had still been married and somehow she had... arranged herself with it. Living next to each other more than actually living together. He had spent most of his evenings in a bar drinking himself stupid. And she had tried to put up a front, not wanting to admit that her daughter had lost another family. However promising it might have looked at the beginning.

The man she had married had long since left her, in a way - and she had accepted that. Life was easier this way. Thinking if everyone thought she was happy, maybe one day she actually would believe it herself as well.

It was easier than thinking everyone would leave her one way or another. Because there had been times when she had thought just that. They all left her. Somehow, they all ran out sooner or later. Glancing back at Dan, she pushed her feelings down - as she always did lately. Well, most of her men did anyway. Dan had been different. While he didn't exactly leave her for good… well, she just couldn't look at him like that anymore. He was a friend, a good friend, but nothing more - never would be. And maybe those last years had put even more of a rift between them. Because frankly, the only two things that still kept them connected were their jobs and their daughter.

Chloe sighed and got her phone out. She would have to call Trixie before this whole mess got public. A police lieutenant killed by a fucking rock in open public and nobody knew the better of it. There must have been like thirty people around this darn beach at the time and nobody had seen anything.

No, scratch that, they had seen something, a lot of something. Nobody had seen the killer though. So she can't but wonder if maybe, just maybe… No, that was impossible!

Again, she shook her head and finally called her daughter to tell her that her stepfather had been found dead. The lack of emotion in Trixie's voice rivaled her own. Well, like mother, like daughter probably. Although Trixie hadn't gotten along with Marcus for quite a while now.

"How did it happen?" her daughter asked over the phone, something strange in her voice.

"A rock to the head," Chloe answered lacking any emotions in her voice as well.

There was silence for what appeared to be a millennium but was probably only a few seconds.

"Thanks for calling, Mom. I… I'll be home on time."

Chloe merely nodded, not able to say anything more to that. Seemed both of them were handling that quite well, so what else was there to say? But the second her finger hovered over that red button on the touchscreen, she could have sworn she heard her daughter murmuring something else.

Something she couldn't quite understand, but it sounded a lot like, "Guess I owe you one now."

~~o0o~~

It had been an awfully silent evening when Chloe finally got home. True to her words, Trixie had been on time for a change. They had dinner – not talking about it. Sitting comfortably in front of the TV where they still didn't say a word.

Only when they finally turned in to bed, Trixie turned around to her. "You're okay with all this, Mom… Aren't you?"

That was when she finally smiled at her daughter and nodded. "I will be fine, Trix. Are you?"

Just like her mother, Trixie nodded and smiled back. Only her smile seemed more genuine than her mother's. But Chloe didn't want to think about that, about how it came to be that her daughter had turned this cold towards a man she herself hat once married because she had actually loved him.

So she pushed the thought away and gave her daughter a little peck on the temple – something Trixie hadn't tolerated for quite a while now. But today she didn't say anything about it, let her mother do as she obviously needed to do. She merely smiled at her mother and did something she hadn't done for an even longer time. Returning the fleeting kiss to her mom's cheek, she hugged her for just a second before retreating to her own room.

But it did something to Chloe, something she hadn't thought she would still have in her. It awoke some feelings that she'd buried so deep inside, she'd almost forgotten they used to be there to begin with.

Only then did she finally lay down in her bed; after a good shower to wash the sand of the beach away. She usually didn't go to the beach anymore. Not since…

No, not going there!

She pushed the memory back down as well as the feelings that were threatening to come up. But they kept lingering there, too close to the surface and it took all her power to keep them at bay. She would _not_ break down and cry. Not over this, not for Marcus. She just couldn't. Not after all he had done. Or more of… what he hadn't done. Mostly for him not being there for her when she had needed him most.

So she closed her eyes and rolled herself up under the comforter. How long had it been since she had felt warm and safe and… loved? She didn't know anymore but it was too late anyway.

A long sigh escaped her when she finally felt sleep tug at her. Just one more step and she would be there. But then she felt the tingling again and she couldn't help but fight sleep to stay awake for just another minute or two. Just this once, she didn't want to miss out on him, to simply… open her eyes and he would be there.

Wouldn't he?

" _I promised you, didn't I?"_

That he had. He had promised to be there for her. And in a way he had - even if this had all just been in her imagination. How could he have been there otherwise? He left so long ago, never a call, never a sign and hell, she had been looking for him for all those years – even if she would never admit to it openly. She had continued to check on his accounts, the morgue, everywhere. Although the frequency had dropped over the years. As if he had dropped from the face of the Earth, so to speak.

There had been nothing. He was just… _gone._

"Did you do this?" She heard herself whisper.

Nothing but silence was her answer. So he wasn't really there after all. Maybe she'd gone nuts quite a while ago. But she still refused to go to that place. The same place where she had last imagined him being there.

"Did you kill him?"

" _I'm not allowed to kill humans."_

This time the answer came almost immediately and once again she wondered if he was really there. Would he still be there if she actually opened her eyes? Standing there in her bedroom? And oh, how she would have loved to see that leery smile and hear the inappropriate comment about him finally making it to her bedside.

Only, she didn't - couldn't, because if this illusion was all she had left of him, she didn't want to destroy it. So she pulled her legs up even further and tried to keep the illusion alife. Why wouldn't the warmth finally return?

That was when she felt the mattress dip just a tiny bit and her heart skipped a beat, only to return with a much, much faster rhythm. This couldn't be true. He couldn't be here, not after all these years!

" _Hush now, Detective"_ , she heard his still so familiar voice and another sigh escaped her tightening throat. _"Everything will look better in the morning."_

"Promise?"

" _Always."_

And he was right. Because when her imagination finally got to the point where she could feel his arms come around him, for the first time in years she fell asleep peacefully and actually slept through the whole night. So what, if this was all just an imagination? Who cared?

She _did_ feel better the next morning.

So when she got up and went over to her daughter's room, she just stood there and watched the sleeping form of a young woman who used to be her little baby girl. And she felt as if she could finally let go of everything and start anew.

She turned around and went to the living room, looking out of that giant window that was supposed to show one of the best views of LA. At that moment, she couldn't help but wonder if this illusion of her former partner would ever go away. Did she even want for it to go away? Since it was all she had left of him, she did not want to lose this last bit as well.

Not knowing how she got there, she suddenly stood before her dressing table. Not that she used this one often, but when Trixie was younger they used to sit there and she would groom her daughter's hair. Fond memories that made her smile.

Chloe opened the drawer and slowly her fingers glided over the single silver chain with a small, all smashed up bullet fixed to it. In awe she took it out, looking at it intensely. It had been such a long time since she had last worn it… Time for a change!

And when Trixie got up, yawning, and, as any good teenager does, complaining about it being _way_ too early to be up and go to school, her mother was already standing in the kitchen, preparing breakfast, smiling brightly at her. For a fleeting moment, she could see her daughter wondering how she could hold up like this but she never voiced the question.

They went on from this, never looking back at those painful last years.

* * *

 _A/N: Just a little note at the side: I don't think Trixie would ever actually wish for Marcus to get killed. So in my mind she wished for him to get out of their life, so her mother can start a new life. Him dying would be Lucifer's take on getting Marcus to where he belongs a bit faster. So maybe he can share a loop or two with his brother Abel ;)_

And as always... my little reminder to please take the time to review ;) Thank you!


	6. 5782 days

A/N: No mere repetition but a sincere _thank you to_ _Sop12345d for taking the time and doing the beta!_

 _Also once again, I'd like to say thank you for your reviews, favs and follows. Especially to the "regular" reviewers, but of course to everyone else just as well. I really like to hear your thoughts about it and it's interesting to see what you think where I might be going with the story ;)_

* * *

 **Chapter 6: 5782 days**

It has been 5782 days – almost 16 years – since he had left. And what a long time this had been!

Not once had she seen him in all this time but she couldn't stop the laugh that escaped her throat when she finally did. How cosmic this had to be. A cosmic joke so to speak. There she was, lying here, dying for all that mattered, and he finally showed up once again.

"About time," she croaked out, her voice still barely a whisper.

"You've looked better," was merely his reply, but a fond smile still made it to his lips – a smile that still made her sob.

She tried to say that he himself looked just how she remembered him and that somehow she missed him, even though she barely remembered ever knowing him at all. But the words didn't want to come out of her mouth. She was too weak to speak as of now. This darn cancer had taken too much out of her.

Still, she had one more question to ask and she just needed an answer even if this would be the final straw to kill her. So she looked him in his eyes – those dark, warm eyes that were actually still looking fondly at her. How could he look this fondly at her?!

"Here to pick me up?" she finally managed to press out when the increasing beeping of those damn machines she was hooked up on keep reminding her that she could not play this cool – because she simply wasn't cool about any of this anymore.

Fucking cancer seemed to be winning after all. Karma was a bitch!

Instead of smirking at her with that leery smile she had seen before, he continued to smile at her fondly.

"No, not at all," he replied making her already weakened heart skip a beat in anticipation.

"What then?"

"I'm here to wish you goodbye since I can't accompany you to where you'll go."

She didn't know what to say to that but she could feel the tears flowing down her cheeks even if she was way too weak by now to hide them. There was no need to anyway because he was already helping her out with that when his hand carefully and almost tenderly wiped the tears away.

"Farewell, Charlotte."

~~o0o~~

She knew something was off before she even turned around. But she would never had expected _this_ **.** Almost sixteen years and he was sitting there on her couch as if nothing had ever happened, as if all those years had been just her imagination going wild.

She actually took out her cellphone to check on the date.

"Hello, Linda…" he practically purred at her and she couldn't help but feel totally naked. And oh… how she would still love to get totally naked with him, despite the age that had caught up to her quite a while ago.

"You… you haven't changed a bit," she finally managed to say, a small smile making it to her eyes.

"Well, you know how it is. Immortality and all that… not aging… and stuff." He actually looked kind of embarrassed to remind her of it.

But she couldn't find an answer to that one.

"Why are you here?"

"Needed to say a goodbye." And her heart skipped a beat thinking who that might have been. But he spared her the worry, revealing it before she could even ask the question. "Charlotte."

"So…"

"Just arrived from there."

Linda nodded, not sure what to say to that. She had come to know Charlotte quite well over those years – had come to really like her by the way. So her losing a terribly short fight against this cancer was hurting a lot more than it had seemed possible those almost sixteen years ago.

"Did it hurt?"

"Not anymore." Ever evasive but still ever truthful.

"Did she go...?" He merely shook his head and Linda couldn't do anything but feel relief for her lost friend. Another lost friend…

"You know what happened during all those years, do you?"

He simply snorted and raised his eyebrows, daring her to ask something this stupid of him again. Of course he knew, but she still couldn't stop herself from continue to babble.

"You know about Chloe's boy?"

The smile faltered.

"Marcus?"

And was right back.

"Dan?"

Again the smile vanished and he slowly nodded. "Kind of met him recently."

And that was _so_ not the information Linda needed him to reveal. It really sucked to know about all this celestial beings and all their… stuff. She averted her eyes. This was too much, _way too much_ information right now.

"She made Captain last week. Did you know?"

He didn't answer this time and when Linda looked at him she could see the sadness return to his eyes.

"Was about time considering her track-record," Linda continued, a small smile gracing her lips when she thought about the party they'd thrown at LUX for Chloe. One of the rare moments they could convince her to return to that place without feeling miserable.

"Whenever there'd been a case nobody could solve, she would take it, and if she didn't find anything there would be some guy crawling out from under his stone to give her the one missing piece or the perp would just show up and turn himself in."

The man on her couch still kept quiet but there was the hint of a smile on his lips while he listened.

He knew already, didn't he? Of course he did. He probably knew all there was to know about them – about _her_ anyway. What she did, what she ate, maybe even what she was dreaming about – if she ever dreamed nowadays.

So Linda decided to turn the tables around. "What about your brother? Met him recently, too?" The question was out before she could stop herself. Did she even want to know about it?

"Not really my kind of neighborhood," he replied, voice once more going cold. So those two hadn't been on good terms after they vanished from the face of the Earth – so to speak.

"Guess he got promoted or something when I finally went back to… _work_."

The bitterness in his voice was hard to miss but she couldn't bring herself to investigate this further since it would lead her to nowhere anyway. She had once tried to help him cope with his feelings and she had utterly failed – failed _him_. Her trying to help him had only made things worse and now sixteen years had gone by…

"Why are you here, Lucifer?" He didn't answer her right away. "Really, Lucifer… _why_ are you _here_?" And not with your former partner, for that matter. But she didn't voice that last part.

"I have a favor to ask of you, my dear doctor."

She sighed and turned away once more. Of course he was here for another personal, selfish reason. How could she have expected for him to change in those years? For him, sixteen years must be nothing but a whisper in the wind.

When she didn't answer, he got some papers from the inside of his still pristine looking Armani suit – the dark grey one, the one he had always liked the most as she very well knew. Shoving them over the coffee table, he looked at her expectantly.

Linda didn't dare to actually look at the papers, though. Was this the final contract with the devil? This time a handshake wouldn't do?

"I need you to sign this as a witness."

"What?" That was when she finally looked at it and realized it was a testament – his testament. Only the date didn't fit today's date. "This date was from before you… left."

Ran out on us was what she had wanted to say, but she somehow got the feeling he'd had enough time to ponder this one.

"Why…?"

"Well there would be way too many questions if I made my testament that many years later, wouldn't there?"

There was a smile on his lips, but it didn't reach his eyes anymore. Instead, there was sadness there, the same sadness she remembered seeing the night before he left them.

"Should I read this?" Linda asked and finally got the papers as well as a pen.

"There isn't really a need to, but you can, if you want to."

"Will I go to hell for this?"

"Oh my dear, dear doctor… I thought we established this a very long time ago." This time the smile actually reached his eyes. "This will be the last time you will ever see me. If you wish so."

Her heart skipped another beat at that. It wasn't that she didn't want to see him again. He'd been her friend and she _had_ cared deeply for him at one time. But nowadays, this seemed like a lifetime ago and most of the time he was a fond memory from what seemed to have been another lifetime ago.

She finally signed the papers, and shoved them back, although she couldn't resist glancing at the name of the person that would inherit all what had been his on this earth. It didn't matter anymore, though, did it? She was done with his antics anyway. He had just dropped by to tell her that an actually dear friend of hers had died, so what further harm could this one favor do?

Still, she couldn't resist the question. "Why her?"

He actually smiled when he got the papers back and carefully put them inside his pocket once again – as if to made sure that nothing would happen to them.

"Trix went to law school, works with the DA office now. You know that. How would it look if she suddenly takes over the management of a night club?"

He merely shrugged but then beamed at her with that boyish little grin on his lips she used to love so much.

"Can you think of anyone better?"

No, she couldn't. Frowning, she thought about it for a moment, only to conclude that it was indeed somehow befitting. Trix had had some trouble with the law when she was a teenager – much to her mother's chagrin, as one could imagine. But she had turned around – even though Linda had always suspected that Chloe's daughter was bored out of her mind with the job she now had.

So maybe he was right. Of _course_ he was right. Hadn't he always been right? In his own way. Well, except for this one time… when he hadn't understood himself and his feelings. When he had been too late to realize his _own_ desires.

"What if she won't accept it? Not signing the papers or something?"

"She will."

He sounded confident about it. Much too confident for her liking but she did not dare to ask. For sometimes, not knowing is better. A lesson that she'd learned the hard way.

"So, dear Linda…" Surprised, she looked up, pulled out of her thoughts all of a sudden. It took her a moment to come back to the here and now.

"What do _you_ truly desire nowadays?"

There was no need to resist his eyes but somehow she wanted to prolong this for just a second – just to revel one more time in those amazingly fascinating eyes. But she could barely hold herself up against the pulling in her mind, making her finally spilling it out.

"To forget the truth about you and your family. To get the bliss back. The bliss of not knowing what lays beyond."

His smile was fond when he nodded and got up. She stood up quickly, looking up at him expectantly, but when she looked into those sad eyes of his, she suddenly wasn't sure anymore where this would lead her - and if it was the right decision. Was she going to forget all about him? That wasn't what she had wanted! Just… just this tiny little bit of truth about him being… well, the _Devil_.

He gently gave her one last kiss that she was likely to remember for the rest of her days before he whispered in her ear:

"Goodbye, Linda."

~~o0o~~

When Beatrice Decker came home that night, she had the strange feeling that something was off in her apartment, but she couldn't quite put a finger on it. For a moment, she contemplated to call the cops – or her mother at least. But then… there wasn't really something missing, nobody in there, everything still in its place. Something did feel wrong, though.

Only when she went to bed, she finally saw the small sheet of paper on her pillow, the writing in the most beautiful cursive writing she had ever seen.

"Tomorrow."

* * *

 _A/N: There it is, now you know what she's supposed to sign in return for him taking Marcus out of the picture._

 _One more chapter to go. Please don't forget to review :) Thanks!_


	7. 14600 days

_A/N: This is the last chapter. Thanks for coming with me on this little "journey" through time in a different Universe. I would like to say thank you again for your reviews, favs and follows and I hope that this last chapter will make up for the waiting I've put you through._

 _Since you're been so kind with your reviews, I decided not to wait with this last chapter and publish it right way._

 _I would also like to address once more my thank you to Sop12345d for taking the time and reading through this, correcting my mistakes! You are really the best :)_

* * *

 **Chapter 7: 14600 days**

It had been 14600 days – almost 40 years – since he had left.

How many of those had she spent without even thinking of him? She didn't know anymore, couldn't remember large parts of those years anyway. It sucked to become old. She'd know that quite early in her life. But still she was glad that the powers that be had given her that much time.

Time to grow up, to have a beautiful daughter who at some point in her life had even granted her some grandchildren.

She had been quite happy for most of those years and those that didn't fit into that category were probably between those she had forgotten by now. There were so many good times, though… She had never wanted to forget those – although she probably had lost some of them as well. But there were enough of them left.

Sighing, she turned her sluggish head and looked out of the window. The sun was shining and somewhere deep inside her fractured mind, she knew that her daughter would be coming in later. But somehow she also got the feeling that she wouldn't be here anymore by then.

It was time to go.

In a way, this was a relief, since she'd had a hard time lately to pull herself together and the constant pain her body was in was slowly getting the better of her. She wanted it to stop, to end this. Only, she couldn't let go just now.

There was still something missing – _somebody._ And she couldn't let go without knowing what had happened to him because she never found out where he had left to - if he was even still alive. She still remembered him, their time together. Sometimes she wasn't sure if she actually lost any of those days they had spent working together. There still seemed to be so many left - and still not enough.

All those years had passed but she never managed to let him go.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Hadn't he always been there when she needed him most? So would he turn up now as well? Or had he long since gone himself? Really gone? She remembered occasions when her imagination had conjured him up. Time and again since the day he had left them. But had any of them been real? Had he really been there or had it all just been in her mind?

Maybe he was long dead and she simply never found out – never visited his grave, never got to mourn about what hadn't been.

"I miss you," she whispered before she took another – last – deep breath and finally gave in to the darkness. It _was_ time to let go…

When her mind was already fleeting from her body, she could hear his voice like the whisper in the wind it had always been in her imaginations. His voice broken for the first time – well, at least for those occasions she remembered.

"I will miss you, too... Chloe."

~~o0o~~

It was strange… She had the distinct feeling that there wasn't supposed to be anything here. Still, she was standing in a somewhat large hall. An empty, gigantic hall to be precise.

There were mirrors on the wall, but when she stepped closer to one of them, it wasn't an image of the old woman she now was that greeted her. It was herself, mind you. But what she saw was a little girl riding her daddy's shoulders and laughing for all she was worth.

She smiled, remembering that day when she was… how old had she been back then? Three, maybe? How could she have forgotten that one? She looked so happy.

So she went to the next mirror that wasn't really a mirror and she saw herself at the age of four – her first ride on the bike without the training wheels. Somewhere further down the hall, she saw the day of her dad's funeral, the day she finished police academy, the day of her first wedding, the day her daughter was born, the day she met Lucifer…

She stopped at this one, a single tear rolled down her cheek. This had been one she hadn't forgotten over the years. She hadn't forgotten him. But now it was too late. Wherever she was, whatever this was, she sure as hell wouldn't find him here.

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder and practically jumped at the touch. When she turned around, heavily panting, she squinted at the young man standing before her. Was that a _dress_ this guy was wearing?

"It's a robe," she heard him reply, somewhat miffed to her unspoken question. Or did she actually phrase that one out?

"Wha…?"

What's going on here? Where am I? Who are you? What are you doing here? What am _I_ doing here?

Suddenly, another voice joined them. Deep, but warm and… somewhat fatherly if she dared to call it that.

"What is _she_ doing here?"

The young man before her visibly jumped at the voice and quickly ran to the back of the hall, where a part of it was cloaked in shadows. Curious as she had ever been, she followed him. They were talking about her, after all. So she did have a right to know what this was about.

"This is Chloe Decker," the young man tried to explain quickly.

"I _know_ who she is. What is she _doing_ here?"

"Well, she…" She almost started to pity the youngster for his stammering. "She… she didn't… I couldn't… It's not as if I don't want to…"

"What is going on here?" Chloe finally interrupted the totally incoherent nonsense the youngster was trying to sell as an explanation.

That was when she finally saw the owner of the other voice and somehow it didn't fit with what she had expected hearing the voice. For all it was worth he looked like Santa - minus the beard.

"Who are you people and how did I get here?"

"I tried to send her to the Silver City but she keeps pulling… well… you know where," the young man quickly interrupted her. "But she doesn't belong… _there!_ "

Sighing, the old man shook his head and muttered: "Where's your sister when I need her…?"

Then he turned towards her, his eyes sizing her up and she felt a shiver running down her spine when he did so. Those eyes… so similar to another set of brown eyes she had been missing for such a long time.

"Send her downstairs," the old man finally said, still holding her eyes.

"But she doesn't deserve it, father!" Seemed whatever was awaiting her wasn't all that pleasant after all – considering how insistent this young pal seemed to be.

That was when the older man smiled at her, actually caressing her cheek for just a second before turning around and stalking over to the young man who was, apparently, his son. He practically towered over the boy and then he turned towards her one more time.

"No, she doesn't," the old man answered, firmly holding her by now frightened gaze..

There was this smile again and she could have sworn it was so much like the one she had seen on Lucifer so often.

"But I guess _he_ does."

~~o0o~~

The next thing she knew, she was someplace else. Suddenly everything was grey… dark… the space cramped with strange looking pillars and rocks. But when she looked upwards, there was no sky. Still, she had the feeling as if it was raining. Only, this wasn't water, but something else.

Slowly, she started to walk forward. There must be something here. The youngster from before had seemed to feel genuine sorrow - if not fear - for her going to this place but except for it being really… _dull_ … she couldn't think of any reason for this as of now.

"Hello?" she carefully called out.

Maybe there was somebody else here she could ask what this place was about. But there was no answer to her calling, so she kept going forward, passing doors that were firmly closed – fixed even with giant chains.

What was this place?

And then she came to an opening where suddenly her mind crumbled. Because _he_ stood there staring at her with unbelieving eyes.

"What the bloody…. What are you _doing_ here?!" he hissed at her. "You _cannot_ be here!"

She was unable to answer him or she might have told him about the old man and the youngster from before. But all that came to her mind was that he was there and he looked _just_ the same as he had the last time she had actually seen him. As if time hadn't had a meaning for him.

How old must she look to him? Astonishing that he even recognized her!

But when she looked down at herself she saw that her hands weren't showing the swollen crumpled up, gout afflicted fingers anymore. And when she let said hands slowly glide over her face she didn't feel the wrinkles that had been there for so many years now.

Probably not that old looking after all…

"Chloe!" he exclaimed again, this time stepping closer. His hand was shaking when he lifted it to caress her cheek, just to stop millimeter from it. "You don't belong here."

She held his gaze and even managed to smile a bit. "Guess I do."

And wasn't her heart just getting a lot lighter right now?

"This cannot be _true_!" Lucifer demanded once again when he took a step back, this time anger – a lot of anger – resonating in his tone. "There can't be anything you would regret or feel so guilty about you couldn't redeem yourself."

She smiled at that, knowing it wasn't true and finally she understood what had brought her here.

"I do have a regret, mind you," she finally managed to whisper.

"No!"

"Yes."

His eyes were flashing red when he stepped right into her personal space but she merely looked at him fascinated by it. There wasn't so much as an iota of fear inside her at that moment. She could never be afraid of him. Not after… everything she had lived through over the years..

"What could you possibly regret _this_ much to end up here?!" he howled at her.

"I never answered your question."

"What…?" This time she had him stopped dead in his tracks. And wasn't that a first? Had she ever been able to render him speechless before?

"That mind thingy, you used to work on everyone…?"

She could see the recognition flitter in his eyes, replacing the red shimmering when he took a step back. He used to love a good game, so she still hoped he would take her up on this one. She just had to go through with this. Finally. It had been in waiting for way too long.

"Well then… Chloe… What is it that you _truly_ desire?"

While she was sure that his mojo still didn't work for her, she stepped closer, her hands coming to rest on his chest. How long had she been wishing to feel his touch again? For real and not in her hazy imagination… never knowing if it was real or if she'd been going crazy over the years.

"To choose the right man this time."

It took him a moment to fully understand her words, but when he did, he smiled deeply and pulled her closer.

"Worth waiting the millennia…" he whispered when he finally leaned in to give her a kiss – the first one of many to come.

This was going to be the first day after all. The first day since she finally took the right choice.

* * *

 _A/N: Well, it took a while but now they can finally stay together for all eternity. Hope they don't get bored of each other ;) Yeah well, I know it's a bit cheesy in the end but I wanted them to be together forever - and not her dying one day and going to a place where he can't follow. This seemed like a good way, even if it took them 40 years._

 _Thank you for reading and please feel free to review ;)_


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